LIBERATION

My 2018 ended on a sad note so I walked into 2019 already over it.

Struggled to regulate my emotions and remember to eat every day.

Overall thought too much.

Developed what later became high functioning anxiety and depression.

I took a break from work then tried to work through it.

Wanted to find the person I was before my mom’s sickness ate at our family.

Before her passing crippled everyone she left behind.

It worked for a while but never consistently.

The way I valued my interactions with people had shifted completely.

My safety net of a job was now toxic but I still found myself deliberating.

I didn’t want to meet new people.

Have a bad day and have to explain to my new boss why.

It never gets easier to say.

Why leave when I was around people who needed no explanation?

Thought of some escape plans.

ALL very risky.

Can’t count on my mom if I mess this up.

So, I conversed with God and told him I knew there was more.

More than pep talks to get yourself through the door.

Pep talks to stay.

Pep talks to come back.

But the next day, I walked in to work.

I thought God was going to shift my perspective.

Help me find the good in what I considered my security.

Clearly by the title, that didn’t happen right.

Typed up my notice.

Effective immediately.

But it was a professional exit nonetheless.

Relief came (about 3 days later).

I remember the day I began to breathe differently.

June 16th.

Scared myself into going to the doctor (with no insurance now, might I add).

Saw my therapist.

Spent money I probably shouldn’t have.  

Everything was fine.

So now my risky plan is in place.

Challenging, terrifying, but progressive and fruitful.

LIBERATION activated.

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